So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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