he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
