took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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