i was born a porn star she said
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
