If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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