I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
