Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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