I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
