How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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