I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
