you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
