he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
ok first of all what the fuck
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
