I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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