It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
