If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
