4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
