You're my little dorito
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
