I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
