Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
