Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I need to stop coming to work sober
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize