I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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