Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
