I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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