I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
