Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
