I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
