Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
