i already hear my dad disowning me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
