I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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