it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
