Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
