guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
