maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
