Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
