fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
