the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
