How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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