apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
