Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
