my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
