i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm at about main and main street
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize