I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
