So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
