i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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