Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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