there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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