he thought i was a dude.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
