Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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