I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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