NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
