She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
