i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
