I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
