I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
