Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
