i think my tv is drunk
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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