Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm like, not good at living.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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