i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think I just sharted jello shots
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