You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize