Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
