making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
