It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
