you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
