I cannot find my penis.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
