you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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