I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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